remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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