Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
