I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
