Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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