i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
