I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize