Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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