Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
