Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
