i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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