So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
its not stalking. its research.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
