yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
