remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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