Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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