Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
