i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
