Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
