Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have already put on my inside pants.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
