If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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