did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
