btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
