My hand turned me down
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
