i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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