Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
