used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
