God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
