If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
