i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
