My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You ruined the universe
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
