i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
