I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
