Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
