Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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