A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
