you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
