Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
