drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
