You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
