Duck Duck Cougar?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
