Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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