What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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