It's just like the Real World with babies
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
