Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
