Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
