I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
