She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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