Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
