It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
