laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
