Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
