my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
