He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize