I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
