So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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