i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
