my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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