Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
