Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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