bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
