Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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