I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
