Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize