hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
