I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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