If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
