i just sent this text using only my big toe
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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