You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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