Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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