i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just sent this text using only my big toe
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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