Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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