There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize