Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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