I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
