Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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