I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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