So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
