I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
