AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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