do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
