No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
