Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
