Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
